Cue sound effect: *tires squealing* I slam on the brakes and pull a full 180° U-Turn. I've been going about this all wrong!! What exactly do I mean by, "this" you ask? To put it bluntly, pulling my head out of the sand and getting my life together! This is not a dress rehearsal Shannon, this is the real thing!
Over and over, God has revealed to me that He does have a plan for me. I see it, I point out the reveal, then I continue my merry way trying to do things by MY rules. Here's a big surprise, it's NOT working ! Yesterday I hit a pretty big low, I spent most of my day either on the verge of, suppressing or just full out tears. I was teetering on the edge of a severe breakdown, so I did what any girl would do, I called my mom and sobbed, "I need my mommy". And I do, it's no lie, I need her love, her support and her respect. But what I didn't initially hear in my despair was I also need my daddy. My Abba Father. I know I love Him, that I don't doubt, but I've not been very good about calling Him and letting Him know that. (Hmmm sounds like a familiar complaint I have). But of course, like all parents, He was waiting for my call. Cue God's timing and a simple post by a friend on facebook. "Check out this eBook, it's on sale, today & tomorrow only". One review on the book's web site and I was sold, because it spoke volumes to me.
“Sarah, thank you, from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful resource! God bless Flylady – she’s a tough cookie – but I just cannot keep up with her, and I cannot find motivation in her methods. This book, however, with the Mary and Martha approach, gives me not only motivation to clean my home, but also to haul out my Bible and spend time in the Word, searching out scripture to go with the daily devotional… My mother and I are doing this book together. She lives 8 hours away from me, and we’ve found this to be something to do together. We can challenge and encourage each other in this area, and your book is a wonderful guide for us.
Thank you, once again, for your obedience in writing this book! God bless you!” -Val, Amazon Review
I love the FlyLady, don't get me wrong, I think she rocks it out for teaching and encouraging women of all ages and situations, but after I don't know how many years now, 6? 7? I'm not sure, I've yet to get airborne for more than a few days. I flap, I flutter.... and I flop, every, single, time. I've read her book, I've started at page one, "shine your sink" so many times, I've lost count. I wake up to a shiny kitchen, and then I lose motivation. And I blame myself, "this works for everyone else??", "I must be doing something wrong", or the humdinger, "It's my fault, I'm a failure, I just CAN'T". The tapes in my head play over and over. "I wrecked my marriage", "I'm fat", "I'm lazy","I'm broken, my health issues prevent me from doing what I can/want". You get the idea I'm sure. Good grief, I've been taught extensively how bad those tapes are but still they play on like a broken record, over and over again.
So, I paid a whopping $2.48 CDN, downloaded the book and I figured out how to read pdf files on my iPhone. I went to bed and started to read my new eBook. I read and read until my body demanded sleep, and then I got up this morning, and I read some more. And then I completed Day 1 and moved to Day 2. And I read some inspirational stories and methods and I figured it out, the reason FlyLady isn't working...
There are plenty of bloggers out there that have jumped on the bandwagon of this particular book. Since I'm not much of one for joining someone else's bandwagon, with God as my pilot, I will co-pilot another wagon right here. Feel free to join me or just follow along. With prayer, hope, grace and loving support of friends & family, I can complete something I start.
I'm hoping by now that I've captured your curiousity and you're sitting there thinking, "What book????" Well, to keep my posts not too longish, I'll share that info with you in my next post ;).... Join me in my journey as I seek to renew my heart, my heart for Jesus, my heart for self, and my heart for my family.
Wishing you a glorious day, filled with grace and joy!
It's been a couple years since I wrote a blog in Remembrance of our fallen and our troops over seas. I'm not sure what was up last year, well I am, but that's not for this post, but I feel like I dropped the ball so I'm back this year to continue to show my support for our men and women that have fought bravely to protect our freedom.
Military has never been a big thing in our family, but we know we owe our freedom to the men and women that protect it. However, my dad served in the Canadian Navy for a short time and both my grandfather's served in WWII. My maternal grandfather was even old enough to be overseas for WWI. Grandpa Hoberg in particular spent 3 years in Europe, away from his family during WWII. My mom was born just before he left and she had no memory of him, when he came home she thought he was a stranger and tried to kick him out of the house! Funny, and yet, sad too.
So today my tribute is not just for the troops, but for the families that have sons & daughters away from home, for those that have lost mother's and father's, for the spouses left alone to care for their children at home. Here's to you that hold the home fort while our brave men and women protect the freedoms of our country and try to help free oppression in other countries. God bless our troops and their families.
Who in your family do you remember or know that bravely kept/keeps the home fires burning for a loved one serving away from the comforts of home?
I have been catching up with some blog posts by the woman that inspired me to start my own blog, Dawn Meehan. I was shocked and dismayed to find out she’d recently finalised her divorce. It has been so long since I’ve read hers, or anyone’s blog, that I had no idea she even had marital problems, let alone that it had gone that far. As I read her posts and about how she is not just accepting but moving forward, Dawn continues to inspire me by her amazing character and strength as a woman and now a single mom. In searching for more information, I came across this blog post on judging others from 2008 and although I understand the original context in what she wrote is different from my situation, I believe the message is universally applicable.
Let me explain…
Recently I found myself drowning in judgement from a friend I thought would always understand me, a friend I’d always thought of as a sister. After months of silence from her, I wrote an email asking what I had done that she seemed to be so upset with me, upset enough that even when I spent a few days in hospital in April she really didn’t seem to give a crap. The reply I received from her felt like someone had taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart.
Engaging in a short email conversation via fb, I received replies that had accusations that felt judgemental, accusatory and essentially indicative that because I was struggling in my Christian walk and faith (perhaps one day I will feel ready to write about this) that I was no longer “good enough” to be acknowledged. I read her words and found myself feeling that if I “get my shit together” (my words) I will then be acceptable to spend time with??? Did she bother to ask me what was going on? Not at all. Did she take time to learn that I spent a lot of time keeping my mouth shut around her and not sharing some things because I didn’t want to worry or upset her? No, instead I was accused of not thinking of her at all, that I didn’t take time to stop, whilst in my own personal hell, to see how my actions were affecting her life. What??? Other comments in her emails indicated that she had the idea that my faith struggles were based on some whim, that I “decided” God no longer fit my lifestyle so perhaps it was better He didn’t exist. That I traded in God for activities, the internet and men (I’ve dated one guy in the past year, what a ‘ho I am ! And heaven forbid I not spend every spare moment in or near a church or listening to sermons). Not once, to anyone, did I ever say God doesn’t exist. I cannot now, or ever, deny His existence, I’ve seen too much and experienced too much and felt too much to not believe. It wasn’t about not believing, it was far bigger than that but when I tried to explain to the one person I thought would understand I got pushed away and I didn’t hear from her for months until I sent that fateful email a few weeks ago.
Hurt, angry, confused and in tears I retaliated with accusations of hypocrisy and other words that I knew would hurt. Yet I still kept back most of what I really wanted to say as I still had hope that our friendship was salvageable. I tried to start an explanation of why I was in the place I was AND that I was actually working my way out of that black place (with the help of extremely supportive and non-judgemental friends). Her reply indicated that she had no idea I had been struggling (yet I know I had tried to explain months earlier) and left me feeling she was not interested in hearing what I had to say, that all I said in explanation fell on deaf ears. Comments such as “I had to distance myself to protect my faith as you were taking me to a dark place” Huh? Then in complete contradiction of that saying, “had you talked to me about it I would have been there to help”?? Ummm, I TRIED and my email was deleted (apparently on fb now if you delete an email it’s gone from the sender’s box as well) and I didn’t hear from her until I initiated a new conversation months later. After writing an angry and hurt filled email which I never sent, I finally wrote that I saw no point in attempting to explain further or argue my side, as she appeared uninterested, to say the least, in listening to what I had to say. I got no reply to that email, just another deleted conversation. So where do I/we go from here?
I’ve struggled with this question for awhile now as her friendship, her complete understanding of me, the things we shared, meant everything to me, beyond the popular term of bff she was the sister of my heart. The person I thought I knew, the one single individual I thought would tell me anything without fear, and I her, has become a stranger. There were indications over the past couple of years that there were changes I wasn’t crazy about, maybe I changed and it’s not her? But 18 years of friendship are essentially down the drain. She was the one person I could go to and tell ANYTHING to, she knows things about me that very very few people know. It’ll take me time to trust anyone again the way I trusted her after feeling trampled over and abandoned. I was accused of not thinking of her when she has no idea what I was thinking, that I should know better and that my life choices were unacceptable. Essentially I felt that because I am not a perfect Christian, that I have moments where I have struggled in my faith, then I have to “get better” before I’m “good enough” to receive her friendship. This is where I am left feeling, if it was intended or not, this is the message I picked up.
For the most part it’s been a busy summer and I’ve kept this on the backburner. My faith is renewing, I have amazing friends both online and in person that stand by me and I by them. I’ve been spending time in a fun activity that keeps me and the boys off the computer and outside playing. Until I read Dawn’s blog I could keep my hurt hidden, I could avoid deciding how to react, then these words popped out at me from that post…
Matthew 7 1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.”
"It's easy to judge someone else and decide that they're incompetent when things are going well for you... A look (or word) that says - I understand; I'm sorry you're having a tough time, it’s ok.
I'm telling you, don't judge others. Let your words and actions be a blessing to them.
Even if you think you know all about the other person or the situation, you don't. Not until you've walked a mile in their shoes, can you truly understand.”~Dawn Meehan
This is EXACTLY how I felt after our fb email conversation. It’s easy to sit in your Ivory Tower, with no financial struggles, no unpredictable disability, confident in the love of your husband and in a “holier than thou” voice point fingers at those that struggle in their day to day life, alone, financially struggling, debilitating disabilities and feeling unloved. I don’t pretend to understand where my “friend” is at in her world, from my side I see something akin to a perfect life and although slightly envious, I’m also very happy for her and proud of her. What I see, and I don’t think she does, is that it’s far easier to keep a strong faith when you’re life is going well, it’s much harder when your life feels like it’s falling apart. I hope, should I ever have the blessings of a much “easier” life, that I never forget the struggles that brought me there and that I never hand out judgements as if I’m better than the person I am pointing at. No matter where I am in life, I am no better or worse than the majority of those I share this world with.
The more I think about things that have been said and actions that have been observed or lack of action, the more I realise we are no longer as similar as we once were. As I look at these things and the differences I see in the two of us that were never there before, the more I realise that the season of this friendship is over. I don’t understand. I have tried, I have struggled, it just doesn’t make sense to me but there it is and I can’t abide intolerance of the frailty of the human condition, physical, mental, spiritual and emotional, none of us are infallible. I am not perfect, I never will be, and as the beautiful Norma Jean Baker once said, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”. I will stand by my friends through all their trials and triumphs, give praise and hugs when their lives are going great, be a shoulder to cry on and pray for them when times are tough, but I will not put up with being made to feel like I’m unworthy unless I subscribe to anything other than who I am.
“A real friend is someone that knows all about you, but loves you just the same.” ~E. Hubbard
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” ~E. Hubbard
Here am I Yet another goodbye! He says Adiós, says Adiós, And do you know why She won't break down and cry? - she says Adiós, says Adiós, Goodbye.
One by one my leaves fall. One by one my tales are told.
It's no lie She is yearning to fly. She says Adiós, says Adiós, And now you know why He's a reason to SIGH - she says Adiós, says Adiós, Goodbye.
One by one my leaves fall. One by one my tales are told.
My, oh my! She was aiming too high. He says Adiós, And now you know why There's no moon in her sky - he says Adiós, says Adiós, Goodbye.
No Goodbyes For love brightens their eyes Don't say Adiós, say Adiós, And do you know why There's a love that won't die? - don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye.
- don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye. - don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye. - don't say Adiós, say Adiós, Goodbye.
