I think I'm breaking records today! Two posts in one day and four posts published in less than two weeks :). But I'm nothing if not kind and although most of my readers (all 5 of you, or so ;) ) are likely already aware of what book I was referring to in my previous post, I thought it may be cruel to make anyone wait until tomorrow. Besides, I'm ready to get this show on the road !
What I've come up with thus far, having completed Day 1 and started Day 2, is a very basic principle which I knew but was having trouble applying: Work from the inside out. The reason, the true reason, FlyLady hasn't been working for me is because I've been trying to fix what is external in hopes of repairing the internal. Not sure about you, but that doesn't really work too well. What we feel tends to lend itself to how we behave, in other words, our lives and homes reflect what is inside our hearts. If we are confused, lost and broken in our hearts, no matter how hard we try to hide it from others, it invariably comes out in our actions and how we approach the world around us.
When this finally hit home for me I realised that I cannot fix what is outside: my family, my home, my body, my health, if I am broken on the inside. Any attempt to fix what is external will be undermined by what resides in my heart. Please feel free to join me, with God as our pilot, to put our hearts and our homes in order.
In Day 1 Sarah asks us the question, "Why Clean?" So I completed the page she obligingly included to help determine this and I came up with not just a Mission Statement, as she suggests, but also a purpose and vision. I'm sure it will be revised over time, but it's definitely a start in the right direction.
Purpose: To provide, for my boys and I, a home of abundant love & joy, where God's grace flourishes.
Vision: To create a home and family life where we find peace and strength, where we lift each other up with words of encouragement.
Mission Statement: To have a home where each of us can feel safe, an oasis from the harsh world, a place where we can be our creative selves. A home where we learn & grow, where mistakes are met with understanding, graciousness and hope, without judgement.
I had more to say, but truthfully I can't recall it right now, so I'll just leave it at that. Here I am at the beginning of yet another chapter and prayerfully hope that I can follow through and find peace of mind and of heart. Please, feel free to share where you're at in your journey. What does it mean to you to have a peaceful heart?
Until next time, May the Lord bless you and keep you! *HUGS*
Cue sound effect: *tires squealing* I slam on the brakes and pull a full 180° U-Turn. I've been going about this all wrong!! What exactly do I mean by, "this" you ask? To put it bluntly, pulling my head out of the sand and getting my life together! This is not a dress rehearsal Shannon, this is the real thing!
Over and over, God has revealed to me that He does have a plan for me. I see it, I point out the reveal, then I continue my merry way trying to do things by MY rules. Here's a big surprise, it's NOT working ! Yesterday I hit a pretty big low, I spent most of my day either on the verge of, suppressing or just full out tears. I was teetering on the edge of a severe breakdown, so I did what any girl would do, I called my mom and sobbed, "I need my mommy". And I do, it's no lie, I need her love, her support and her respect. But what I didn't initially hear in my despair was I also need my daddy. My Abba Father. I know I love Him, that I don't doubt, but I've not been very good about calling Him and letting Him know that. (Hmmm sounds like a familiar complaint I have). But of course, like all parents, He was waiting for my call. Cue God's timing and a simple post by a friend on facebook. "Check out this eBook, it's on sale, today & tomorrow only". One review on the book's web site and I was sold, because it spoke volumes to me.
“Sarah, thank you, from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful resource! God bless Flylady – she’s a tough cookie – but I just cannot keep up with her, and I cannot find motivation in her methods. This book, however, with the Mary and Martha approach, gives me not only motivation to clean my home, but also to haul out my Bible and spend time in the Word, searching out scripture to go with the daily devotional… My mother and I are doing this book together. She lives 8 hours away from me, and we’ve found this to be something to do together. We can challenge and encourage each other in this area, and your book is a wonderful guide for us.
Thank you, once again, for your obedience in writing this book! God bless you!” -Val, Amazon Review
I love the FlyLady, don't get me wrong, I think she rocks it out for teaching and encouraging women of all ages and situations, but after I don't know how many years now, 6? 7? I'm not sure, I've yet to get airborne for more than a few days. I flap, I flutter.... and I flop, every, single, time. I've read her book, I've started at page one, "shine your sink" so many times, I've lost count. I wake up to a shiny kitchen, and then I lose motivation. And I blame myself, "this works for everyone else??", "I must be doing something wrong", or the humdinger, "It's my fault, I'm a failure, I just CAN'T". The tapes in my head play over and over. "I wrecked my marriage", "I'm fat", "I'm lazy","I'm broken, my health issues prevent me from doing what I can/want". You get the idea I'm sure. Good grief, I've been taught extensively how bad those tapes are but still they play on like a broken record, over and over again.
So, I paid a whopping $2.48 CDN, downloaded the book and I figured out how to read pdf files on my iPhone. I went to bed and started to read my new eBook. I read and read until my body demanded sleep, and then I got up this morning, and I read some more. And then I completed Day 1 and moved to Day 2. And I read some inspirational stories and methods and I figured it out, the reason FlyLady isn't working...
There are plenty of bloggers out there that have jumped on the bandwagon of this particular book. Since I'm not much of one for joining someone else's bandwagon, with God as my pilot, I will co-pilot another wagon right here. Feel free to join me or just follow along. With prayer, hope, grace and loving support of friends & family, I can complete something I start.
I'm hoping by now that I've captured your curiousity and you're sitting there thinking, "What book????" Well, to keep my posts not too longish, I'll share that info with you in my next post ;).... Join me in my journey as I seek to renew my heart, my heart for Jesus, my heart for self, and my heart for my family.
Wishing you a glorious day, filled with grace and joy!
I don't like to ask for much. Every year my wish is the same, a happy and safe Christmas for my family and friends, peace on earth, the usual. But this year Santa I'm asking for something for myself, all I want for Christmas is to be pain free.
I would really like to make plans for the next day, and to actually wake up and be able to do them. I'd like to take my kids on activities or go out with my friends, things such as, geocaching, hiking, skiing, and even a movie, and that it won't take a day, or more, to recover. I'd like to actually use the word "promise" when planning something with my boys, knowing I can hold to my word. To sit and play with them on the floor without it being a nightmare of stiffness and pain to get back up after. To go on a simple shopping trip and still cook a meal afterwards rather than having to buy pre-made food for dinner that day because I know, without a doubt, I'll be far too fatigued to do more. I want to hug my boys without fear of the pain it will likely cause. To cuddle with my little ones on the couch while we watch a movie and not be afraid of their little elbows and knees, knowing if they bump me it'll feel like someone has stabbed me with a hot poker. I'd like to have the energy to live in a clean & orderly home again and to give the handmade gifts I love to do.
I know this is a pretty tall order Santa, I really don't like to focus on myself, I love the gift of giving, but it's very hard to give the way I like when I feel like a piece of crap. So just this once I ask for something for myself, to have a "normal" life again. Thanks in advance!
~Shannon
Ps. You will probably need God's assistance with this one :-)
I have been catching up with some blog posts by the woman that inspired me to start my own blog, Dawn Meehan. I was shocked and dismayed to find out she’d recently finalised her divorce. It has been so long since I’ve read hers, or anyone’s blog, that I had no idea she even had marital problems, let alone that it had gone that far. As I read her posts and about how she is not just accepting but moving forward, Dawn continues to inspire me by her amazing character and strength as a woman and now a single mom. In searching for more information, I came across this blog post on judging others from 2008 and although I understand the original context in what she wrote is different from my situation, I believe the message is universally applicable.
Let me explain…
Recently I found myself drowning in judgement from a friend I thought would always understand me, a friend I’d always thought of as a sister. After months of silence from her, I wrote an email asking what I had done that she seemed to be so upset with me, upset enough that even when I spent a few days in hospital in April she really didn’t seem to give a crap. The reply I received from her felt like someone had taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart.
Engaging in a short email conversation via fb, I received replies that had accusations that felt judgemental, accusatory and essentially indicative that because I was struggling in my Christian walk and faith (perhaps one day I will feel ready to write about this) that I was no longer “good enough” to be acknowledged. I read her words and found myself feeling that if I “get my shit together” (my words) I will then be acceptable to spend time with??? Did she bother to ask me what was going on? Not at all. Did she take time to learn that I spent a lot of time keeping my mouth shut around her and not sharing some things because I didn’t want to worry or upset her? No, instead I was accused of not thinking of her at all, that I didn’t take time to stop, whilst in my own personal hell, to see how my actions were affecting her life. What??? Other comments in her emails indicated that she had the idea that my faith struggles were based on some whim, that I “decided” God no longer fit my lifestyle so perhaps it was better He didn’t exist. That I traded in God for activities, the internet and men (I’ve dated one guy in the past year, what a ‘ho I am ! And heaven forbid I not spend every spare moment in or near a church or listening to sermons). Not once, to anyone, did I ever say God doesn’t exist. I cannot now, or ever, deny His existence, I’ve seen too much and experienced too much and felt too much to not believe. It wasn’t about not believing, it was far bigger than that but when I tried to explain to the one person I thought would understand I got pushed away and I didn’t hear from her for months until I sent that fateful email a few weeks ago.
Hurt, angry, confused and in tears I retaliated with accusations of hypocrisy and other words that I knew would hurt. Yet I still kept back most of what I really wanted to say as I still had hope that our friendship was salvageable. I tried to start an explanation of why I was in the place I was AND that I was actually working my way out of that black place (with the help of extremely supportive and non-judgemental friends). Her reply indicated that she had no idea I had been struggling (yet I know I had tried to explain months earlier) and left me feeling she was not interested in hearing what I had to say, that all I said in explanation fell on deaf ears. Comments such as “I had to distance myself to protect my faith as you were taking me to a dark place” Huh? Then in complete contradiction of that saying, “had you talked to me about it I would have been there to help”?? Ummm, I TRIED and my email was deleted (apparently on fb now if you delete an email it’s gone from the sender’s box as well) and I didn’t hear from her until I initiated a new conversation months later. After writing an angry and hurt filled email which I never sent, I finally wrote that I saw no point in attempting to explain further or argue my side, as she appeared uninterested, to say the least, in listening to what I had to say. I got no reply to that email, just another deleted conversation. So where do I/we go from here?
I’ve struggled with this question for awhile now as her friendship, her complete understanding of me, the things we shared, meant everything to me, beyond the popular term of bff she was the sister of my heart. The person I thought I knew, the one single individual I thought would tell me anything without fear, and I her, has become a stranger. There were indications over the past couple of years that there were changes I wasn’t crazy about, maybe I changed and it’s not her? But 18 years of friendship are essentially down the drain. She was the one person I could go to and tell ANYTHING to, she knows things about me that very very few people know. It’ll take me time to trust anyone again the way I trusted her after feeling trampled over and abandoned. I was accused of not thinking of her when she has no idea what I was thinking, that I should know better and that my life choices were unacceptable. Essentially I felt that because I am not a perfect Christian, that I have moments where I have struggled in my faith, then I have to “get better” before I’m “good enough” to receive her friendship. This is where I am left feeling, if it was intended or not, this is the message I picked up.
For the most part it’s been a busy summer and I’ve kept this on the backburner. My faith is renewing, I have amazing friends both online and in person that stand by me and I by them. I’ve been spending time in a fun activity that keeps me and the boys off the computer and outside playing. Until I read Dawn’s blog I could keep my hurt hidden, I could avoid deciding how to react, then these words popped out at me from that post…
Matthew 7 1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.”
"It's easy to judge someone else and decide that they're incompetent when things are going well for you... A look (or word) that says - I understand; I'm sorry you're having a tough time, it’s ok.
I'm telling you, don't judge others. Let your words and actions be a blessing to them.
Even if you think you know all about the other person or the situation, you don't. Not until you've walked a mile in their shoes, can you truly understand.”~Dawn Meehan
This is EXACTLY how I felt after our fb email conversation. It’s easy to sit in your Ivory Tower, with no financial struggles, no unpredictable disability, confident in the love of your husband and in a “holier than thou” voice point fingers at those that struggle in their day to day life, alone, financially struggling, debilitating disabilities and feeling unloved. I don’t pretend to understand where my “friend” is at in her world, from my side I see something akin to a perfect life and although slightly envious, I’m also very happy for her and proud of her. What I see, and I don’t think she does, is that it’s far easier to keep a strong faith when you’re life is going well, it’s much harder when your life feels like it’s falling apart. I hope, should I ever have the blessings of a much “easier” life, that I never forget the struggles that brought me there and that I never hand out judgements as if I’m better than the person I am pointing at. No matter where I am in life, I am no better or worse than the majority of those I share this world with.
The more I think about things that have been said and actions that have been observed or lack of action, the more I realise we are no longer as similar as we once were. As I look at these things and the differences I see in the two of us that were never there before, the more I realise that the season of this friendship is over. I don’t understand. I have tried, I have struggled, it just doesn’t make sense to me but there it is and I can’t abide intolerance of the frailty of the human condition, physical, mental, spiritual and emotional, none of us are infallible. I am not perfect, I never will be, and as the beautiful Norma Jean Baker once said, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”. I will stand by my friends through all their trials and triumphs, give praise and hugs when their lives are going great, be a shoulder to cry on and pray for them when times are tough, but I will not put up with being made to feel like I’m unworthy unless I subscribe to anything other than who I am.
“A real friend is someone that knows all about you, but loves you just the same.” ~E. Hubbard
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” ~E. Hubbard
What an eventful week this has been. Over the weekend I made some major life decisions that I’m freaked out about very proud of and looking forward to with great excitement and eagerness. I’ll share more of that after I get settled, once the move is over and the new plans are set in motion.
Starting this week out on Sunday with great dread terror anxiety anticipation of preparing for “The Great Migration” on the coming Saturday, we dug right in and attacked the upstairs with a whirlwind of packing. Finally feeling like we were getting somewhere by Monday I was excited to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
And then… Monday evening the throat starts to ache, then hurt, then burn and I dared to take a peek at it and OMG! No!!!! Spots!!! That’s ok, we can deal with this, no big deal. Take some Cold F/X, top up the vitamin C, can’t be strep, just finished antibiotics for strep last week for crying out loud. S’All good. We can do this, I’m a tough biotch!!! No stupid sore throat can bring me down!!! Besides I’ve only got four days until “The Great Migration”. I am woman, hear me Roar!!!
Tuesday morning, as I slowly drag my lazy butt cheerfully bounce out of bed, I think to myself, ‘what’s that I feel? Severe pain in the left tonsil area? Nope, can’t be’. I can ignore that, no problem. Body aching like someone beat me with a baseball bat, I can ignore that too. S’All good. We’ll just pop into town, grab some natural antibiotics… don’t want to be on pharmaceutical ones again too soon. And this shall all clear up no problem, right? Long story short… Wednesday morning I end up in ER with a tennis ball implanted in the left side of my throat and sunk down the side of my neck. The result of which left me so weak that standing for any period of time was difficult at best. Some good strong antibiotics combined with the natural ones (in theory anyway) and the improvement in the pain dept anyway was already noticeable by Thursday afternoon. Lock jaw on the other hand continues to ensure that my waist line keeps shrinking… who’s complaining? Not I **wink**… LOL!
The week for packing was definitely short lived and completely shot out of the water after Monday though. By Tuesday afternoon I knew there was no way on God’s green earth I was going to be able to get the house ready for “The Great Migration” on Saturday, never mind the buyer’s possession date of April 1st. So with great frustration I call my Realtor and great friend and whisper rasp request a change of possession by one week. But in the words of the dear Scarlett O'Hara, "After all... tomorrow is another day."
In the midst of all this an insufferable obnoxious user old roommate* showed up looking for belongings from my trailer and my storage unit. She gave me no notice, just called and said, ‘hi I’m here I want my things’; Expecting me to jump for joy at her arrival, rushing to do her bidding with expressions of elation. Now remember I’m quite ill and can barely take care of my own family right now, never mind moving furniture and boxes unrelated to my own move. I did manage to put her off for most of the week, however with her cunning ability to twist reality she convince the storage unit owner to cut the lock on Friday. At this point I was ready to rush off and hide at a friend’s house to avoid her invading my home as well, but decided it was time to rid myself of the unwanted human clutter in my life. I was feeling much stronger and with a clenched grin I finally bid the obnoxious abuser old chum and her rubbish cast-offs junk furniture and other items stored in my home and storage unit, a finale adieu.
On a sad note, this same Friday brought some sad news for a very good friend that has already gone through more than a person should have to over the past few months. While still away from her home at her favourite grandmother’s funeral she received news that her home had burned down. The blessing is that no one was hurt in the blaze, most of the family was away at the time and the two that were home that night got out in time. My heart goes out to them as they begin the rebuilding of not just their house and home but their lives in the midst of already grieving for the loss of their beloved grandmother. Chris, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family constantly. Despite the physical distance, I will be doing whatever I can to help from here. God bless you my dear friend, I admire your strength, perseverance and courage, I love you.
Blessings to all, may Angels Watch Over You!!!
*This is a long story going on over a period since late 2006 that I shall not bore you with. However suffice to say that I have never been so badly hurt or so poorly used by someone that called me a friend. Let me rephrase that, at least not since junior high school!!!! Considering I am now 39 and although like to joke about not being grown up, still consider myself fairly mature, but this woman is more than 11 years my senior!!! Go figure... live and learn!
